Our oldest child is graduating high school in June. I have finally ordered his cap and gown, his senior pictures, and his final yearbook. I put it off as long as I could before he’d be in trouble with the delivery dates. I procrastinated each of these orders nervous to hit send with each and every one. I am not ready.
He has finished college testing, college tours, and college applications and is waiting to hear good news in the coming weeks letting him know where he will have the opportunity to pursue his dreams. I am not ready.
He is busy with school, a part time job, and baseball workouts as he turns the corner on his final spring. When not busy with those things, he spends time with his friends and a lovely girlfriend, all of whom are wonderful kids and we couldn’t ask for more for him socially. He is gone more than he is home. I am not ready.
We have already alerted our two younger children we will attend every single baseball game he will play all spring no matter what either of them have on their activity calendars because he is playing his last season of high school baseball. They will have nights with a babysitter or grandparent in charge. We will miss their activities and they will survive. I am not ready.
I am keeping our calendar totally clear for Spring Break, April, May, or June, and this summer because there will to too many “lasts” and “senior only” events. I am not ready.
A wise friend told me my heart would be pierced this year. That I would be torn between celebrating and enjoying this fine young man with every day that passes knowing all along that he is leaving home and I wouldn’t want to let him go. She said that it would hit me at the must unexpected times, a wave of emotion that would easily bring me to tears. That I would have to work hard to let him go before he actually left so that when the day comes that he goes off to school, I could keep myself together enough to walk him through this wonderful time in his life without giving him the burden of worry about his over emotional Mom.
I thought she was being dramatic. I thought she was a little too attached to her own son. I thought she was wrong.
She was completely right.
I am not ready.