I am Not Ready

I Am Not Ready | gomominc.com #highschool #graduation

Our oldest child is graduating high school in June.  I have finally ordered his cap and gown, his senior pictures, and his final yearbook.  I put it off as long as I could before he’d be in trouble with the delivery dates.  I procrastinated each of these orders nervous to hit send with each and every one.  I am not ready.

He has finished college testing, college tours, and college applications and is waiting to hear good news in the coming weeks letting him know where he will have the opportunity to pursue his dreams.  I am not ready.

He is busy with school, a part time job, and baseball workouts as he turns the corner on his final spring.  When not busy with those things, he spends time with his friends and a lovely girlfriend, all of whom are wonderful kids and we couldn’t ask for more for him socially.  He is gone more than he is home.  I am not ready.

We have already alerted our two younger children we will attend every single baseball game he will play all spring no matter what either of them have on their activity calendars because he is playing his last season of high school baseball. They will have nights with a babysitter or grandparent in charge. We will miss their activities and they will survive.  I am not ready.

I am keeping our calendar totally clear for Spring Break, April, May, or June, and this summer because there will to too many “lasts” and “senior only” events.  I am not ready.

A wise friend told me my heart would be pierced this year.  That I would be torn between celebrating and enjoying this fine young man with every day that passes knowing all along that he is leaving home and I wouldn’t want to let him go.  She said that it would hit me at the must unexpected times, a wave of emotion that would easily bring me to tears.  That I would have to work hard to let him go before he actually left so that when the day comes that he goes off to school, I could keep myself together enough to walk him through this wonderful time in his life without giving him the burden of worry about his over emotional Mom.

I thought she was being dramatic.  I thought she was a little too attached to her own son.  I thought she was wrong.

She was completely right.

I am not ready.

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  • Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things) November 24, 2013, 6:31 am

    I love it when you share you heart. I could feel these emotions even with my own boys only 4 and 2. You nailed it. What a beautiful 18 years we are given. So important to remember to cherish them as they are happening.

    • Molly Gold November 24, 2013, 10:56 am

      Thank you Andrea ~ its like riding a runaway train when you know in your soul you can’t stop time. We are so excited and proud but oh how I wish I could hold on a little longer =)

  • Jo-Lynne Shane {Musings of a Housewife} November 24, 2013, 5:00 pm

    My son is 14 and I know that stage will be here before I know it. I know I will not be ready!!! xoxo

    • Molly Gold November 24, 2013, 9:44 pm

      Yes Jo-Lynne! Time is like a runaway freight train, once they hit Junior year its a blur =)

  • Kelly {the Centsible Life} November 24, 2013, 9:27 pm

    My oldest turns 16 in a few weeks, so I know exactly what you mean. Sending you love.

    • Molly Gold November 24, 2013, 9:44 pm

      Thanks Kelly ~ it really does come in unexpected waves. More than anything I’m excited for him. I just can’t believe its almost here!

  • maria bailey November 24, 2013, 9:32 pm

    You tell moms to stay present but no one can explain how quickly it goes by. I can only say if, you let go, you will enjoy watching hm achieve his potential and you’ll know that you prepared him for the future. And it only takes about 3 months to get used the emptiness in your home.

    • Molly Gold November 24, 2013, 9:43 pm

      Maria you know this well =) The best part is he is so completely ready, in such a good place and excited for what’s next in his life. For that I am immensely grateful because it means that he will surely be fine. Its me who will need that time.

  • Cindy Gillespie-Lena August 21, 2016, 10:17 pm

    Thank you for expressing your feelings, now I know I’m not alone or crazy. I keep thinking of all the “lasts” that we will be experiencing in the next 365 days. We are in this together, hugs!

  • Cindy Gillespie-Lena August 21, 2016, 10:27 pm

    Just noticed my website was wrong, http://www.reclaimingmom.com, sorry!

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